Showing another person you love them can sometimes not go the way we hope it will. Sometimes that’s because we are expressing our affection in a different way (or love language) than the way that person experiences or FEELS loved.
Learning About Love Languages
In his great book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts, Gary Chapman explains that there are 5 love languages and what makes each of us FEEL loved may be different than what makes the people we care about feel loved. It helps to know, and communicate, to those near to you, your love language and to find out what their love language is and love them using it. The five love languages are:
- Touch. This isn’t sexual touch. This is holding hands, stroking hair, arm around the shoulder, cuddling.
- Words of Affirmation This would be saying complimentary, supportive and loving things, like, “you look really nice”, “I know you’ll do a great job”, “I am glad you are in my life”.
- Quality Time. Taking the time to be with the person.
- Gifts. We all like gifts, but for some people this really an important way to feel loved.
- Acts of Service. Yes, some people feel loved if you take out the trash or shovel the driveway.
I find most people have more than one love language, usually a primary and secondary. Do you know what yours are? How about loving yourself today by figuring out your primary (and secondary, if you have one) love language.
What’s Your Love Language? What About the People You Love?
A great gift for Valentine’s Day would be to spend some time thinking about one or two people in your life and see if you can figure out what their love languages are, and then love them using their language. If you are not sure, why not have a conversation about it? Just the fact that you are asking shows that you care. Knowing someone’s love language will make it easier to communicate your affection for them in a way that makes them FEEL loved and cared about. At the same time, you can communicate to them your love language so they can more easily make you feel loved.
Happy Valentine’s Day,
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