Appearance

How you look says volumes about you to others. You already know this on some level. You want to look creative, or different, or mainstream, or identify with a particular group. If you take the time to develop your own style, you can have some control over how others first perceive you.

I have learned that you can be very creative and look creative, but still look like you took the time to pull yourself together. One of the most creative people I know always looks well groomed, but his earrings, rings and bracelets let the world know he is a creative. Many of the most famous fashion designers are known for wearing all black.

Where to Start when Developing Your Own Style

You are unique and your own personal style should reflect what is unique about you. In developing your own style, start by getting to know yourself. Ask yourself some questions:

• What styles and colors do you like and, more importantly, look good on you?
• What do you want your appearance to say about you?
• How much time do you want to spend getting yourself together?

Listen to what others say about your hair or clothes when you try something new.  Don’t be afraid to try new styles and colors. When I was a lot younger, I was asked to try on a dress in a color which I would never have tried on my own, and got so many compliments about the color and the dress that that color became my ‘signature’ color. I started wearing a lot more dresses too.

Who Do You Want to Impress?

While its most important to think about what you like when developing your own style, it does help to also think about who you want to impress. While worn out graphic tees and ripped jeans may be fine for your friends, will they be attractive to the professional women you are interested in dating? What women think is attractive on a person is not the same as what men find attractive. Think about who, besides yourself, you are dressing to dazzle.

Be Realistic About Your Time and Energy

Nobody has enough time, but how much time do you want to invest in your appearance? Are you willing to spend more time to look better? How much do you enjoy pulling yourself together? In later posts, LifeSkill Secrets will address some of these questions in more detail, but for now, ask the questions and know your answers.

How you care for your self gives others an idea of how you value yourself. You know yourself better than anyone else does. If you don’t place enough value on yourself to take care of your personal grooming and cleanliness, why would they value you? You are setting the bar. All of LifeSkill Secrets is about personal responsibility for self care. That starts with caring about your own state of care.

My cousin had a plaque in his bathroom when we were kids that said,

“Cleanliness is next to Godliness, and next to impossible too.”

I still smile when I think about it, because I figured boys had a harder time keeping clean. Don’t know why I thought that, since my sister and I liked to dig holes in the dirt in the back yard.

If you are not paying attention to your personal grooming and cleanliness, you may be depressed. If you find that you’re letting cleanliness or grooming slip, you may want to look at what else is going on in your life that those things are not a priority. One of the first steps out of depression is to “live as though”, as if you were happy and therefore taking care of yourself. Taking a bath or shower and a getting a haircut can just make you feel better. Start in one area, and you may continue on until you are looking good.

Cleanliness is just a set of good habits.

Create habits to regularly:

• Bathe or shower at least every other day
• Use deodorant or antiperspirant (remember you cant smell your own body odor as much as others can)
• Don’t overdo scents (if you aren’t sure, ask someone- you may stink from trying to smell good)
• Clip and file nails – finger nails weekly, toe nails monthly
• Get a hair cut about once a month (some may need more often, some can go a couple of months)
• Tweeze eyebrows or clip nose hair as needed
• Shave at least every few days for men, even with stubble or beard- keep it neat
• Shave underarms and legs as needed (young women daily)

Personal grooming is creating a neat and tidy appearance.

Sadly, when I googled grooming for this post, the entire first page was about horses, dogs and cats. Does our society care more about how livestock and pets look than we do about ourselves?

Dressing like you care tells people that you care enough about yourself and them to get yourself together. That doesn’t mean that you always have to “dress up”, it just means that you look like you care about your appearance. Being groomed for a position means to be prepared for a particular purpose or activity. Personal grooming for a wedding would be different than grooming for a job interview.

Basics of Personal Grooming:

• Follow the cleanliness habits above
• Be sure your clothes (and shoes and socks or stockings)
  • are clean
  • don’t look like you slept in them
  • fit you and go with each other
  • are appropriate for the occasion and the company
• Check that your accessories
  • are appropriate for the occasion and the company
  • go with the rest of your outfit

You never know when you will meet a future employer, friend, lover, or for that matter, someone of whom you are a big fan. How do you want to look to those people? Imagine running into the person of your dreams (someone you really want to meet, or date, or know) and ask yourself if you would feel good meeting them as you are. If not, work on it. Seriously, over my life I met several people I was a huge fan of, and my future husband, all at times I did not expect to run into anyone. So, be prepared.

Take care of you. You are worth it!

In a later post, I will talk about developing a personal style. Don’t miss it.

Tying a necktie is much more intimidating than it needs to be. Here I have included a great video, easy instructions some tricks to make it easier the next time. This is the full Windsor knot because it’s easier to create a nice symmetrical knot and it always looks great.

Basic Instructions for Tying a Necktie

1. Be sure the tie is facing right side out.
2. Position the tie with the wider end on the right side. The wide end needs to be longer. Some recommend that the longer (wide side) be twice as long as the narrow side. Then it would be hanging down farther 10- 12 inches or more than the narrow end. It takes some practice to get this positioned correctly, but see our tricks below for future.
3. Cross the wide end over and under the narrow at the neck, pull through up between the tie and the neck. The wide end is now on the left side and you see the front side of the tie facing out.
4. Pull the wide end under the narrow end of the tie. Then (from front to back) over and down the neck part of the tie.  You will have an over and under on each side of the center at the neck.
5. Wrap the wide end of the tie over the narrow, then under the tie at the neck.
6.  Bring the tie down through the part that you just crossed over.
7. Tighten and arrange the tie
8. You can tuck the narrow end through the label on the backside of the wide end (or use a tie clip) to keep the tie neat.

Video on Tying a Tie

More on your Necktie

First, take good care of your ties. Neckties get a lot of abuse, but if they are abused, they aren’t going to look good. Usually they are dry clean only. Hang them on necktie hanger or roll them to store in a drawer. Store them when not using them.

Tips for Tying a Necktie

1. If you have a big event and you know you will be stressed getting ready, do the following:
   • Get your necktie tied perfectly in a practice session.
   • Holding the knot in your right hand, loosen the neck at the left side by pulling until you can get the tie over your head.
   • Hang the tie over the hook of a coat hanger (with your shirt or suit) or lay out where it won’t get crumpled.
   • When time to get ready for your event, just put the tie back on over your shirt and pull the narrow end of the tie at the tail end until it is set.
2. Setting the right length of the sides of the tie:
   • Before you practice tying your necktie, put a rubber band around the tie near where the center back of the tie is when the tie is positioned correctly to tie.
   • Once you have gotten the tails of the tie exactly the right length after tying, be sure the rubber band is exactly in the center back of your neck.
   • Remove the tie.
   • At the place of the rubber band, either pin a very small safety pin on the outside of the tie it would be up and down on the neck or across the width of the tie), or sew several up and down stitches at that point.
   • Next time you put on the tie, use the pin or the feel of the stitches as a guide to where the center back neck needs to be.

Look great. Feel great. Happy Holidays.