LifeSkill Secrets

Joyfully Manage Your Life, Your Self and Your Stuff

Life Management

Life Management is about how you manage your relationship with the Universe, Time, Money, Others, and Work. None of these do you ever really control. You have control of yourself, but not the stuff the Universe will throw at you. Your footing needs to be centered around who you are as a person and how your move through your life, not the whimsy of your circumstances. You have the same number of hours as everyone else does in a day. You, like everyone else, have a limited amount of money and like most, have more that you want you buy or have than money to buy it.  Others are funny about wanting things their own way and most of your life will be in community. And you will spend more time at work than doing just about anything, so it would be good to have a good relationship with it. MOM is here to help with your Life Management!

Character Development: What and Why and How

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Being a character isn’t the same as having character. What is character development and why would you care?

What is character?

Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us.
– Thomas Paine

Our character is who we are at the core of our being. It is what our most authentic self is made of and reflects how we relate to our self in the the world and with others. Character development is not a once and done thing, but a lifelong series of choices. Its about making the right choices as you come to crossroads in life. And one thing I have noticed is that the choices get harder as you go.

Here is an example: If you found something of $10 value, would you turn it in to the person that could get it back to the rightful owner? What if it was worth $100? How about one thousand dollars? 10,000 dollars? A hundred thousand?

Why care about character development?

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.
– Martin Luther King, Jr.

Martin Luther King is saying that what really matters is the content of one’s character. Character is the only thing that is ours alone and no one can take from us- it is the core of each of us. If you are a person of faith, you know this is the part of you that God will judge. When it really matters, we judge people on their character. A society is built on the collective character of its citizens

How do I develop character?

“An unexamined life is not worth living”
– Plato

Being a person of character requires attention to your SELF and monitoring that your character development is going in the right direction. A simple way to work on character is to focus on one character area for a couple of weeks. Pay close attention to how you are doing in that area. For example, are you being honest or are you not telling the truth by leaving things out (called lying by omission), or telling half truths, or white lies. Are there ways that you can tell the actual truth in a kind and compassionate way?

How is your politeness doing? Not just to your friends, but to the waiter at the restaurant who forgot your drink, or the mailcarrier who mis-delivered mail, or (and I admit, this my downfall), the driver doing 7 miles below the speed limit?

You might also review the image above on a daily or weekly basis and journal where you might have done better and in what area. You can right click on the image > save image as > save to your computer. No beating yourself up allowed. It’s a life-long process

Getting What You Want Starts with Care of Money

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Wouldn’t it be great if all you had to do to take care of money would be to sit on it? Unfortunately its not quite (but really almost) that easy. Taking care of money has basically four steps. If you think about them whenever you do any thing that involves money, it will be easier to take care of it.  Obviously, this is just an overview and hundreds of books have been written on each of these steps, but knowing this part is a good place to start.

Step 1: Start Taking Care of Money by Planning

Money, in and of itself, has little value. Its just metal or paper. You cant eat it, drive it or wear it. Its value lies in what it can get for us.  What would you rather have than the money? Money means different things to different people and what matters to you may be completely different than what matters to me.

First identify what money can buy that matters most to you. Is it the ability to buy things, freedom from the fear of going without, security?  How much money do you need to have what it is you want?  What are the big things you want to save for or pay off: student loans- yours or your children’s, vacations, retirement, children, a home, a particular car? How much do you need to put aside for a rainy day (like if you get ill for a while, or lose your job, or decide to move to another state)?

LifeSkill Secrets reminds you that you can’t get there from here if you don’t know where there is and you don’t know where here is. So, how much do you need to save, or how much more do you need to make to save what you want to?

Step 2: Making It

You can’t take care of money it you don’t have it. We recently posted about budgeting: knowing how much you spend and how much you make. But if your income doesn’t cover your expenses there are only two things to do: Reduce expenses or increase income.

The best time to increase income is when you are young. You have more energy and (believe it or not) fewer calls on your income, so this is the best time to save. You might be able to reduce expenses by living with friends or at home. Most parents can get behind the idea of saving to pay off student loans or saving for a down payment on a future home. Just be sure you aren’t going out with friends 5 nights a week and blowing the savings in Margaritaville. In my generation it was easier to live independently right out of college than it is now, so explore your options. Better to live at home working 2 or 3 jobs at 22 or 26 than at 32 or 36, right?

Step 3: Saving It

Note that saving money comes BEFORE spending it. That is a basic rule for the care of money. You can’t save what you don’t have, and just as work will fill the time allotted for it, you will spend the money you have available. Figure out how much money you want to save and save it first. Its best if it goes right into a savings plan and/or savings account (depending on what you are saving for, how soon you need it and interest rates) before you even get your paycheck. It takes more discipline to do it once its in your hand, but you can do it if you know what you are saving for and it’s important TO YOU.

Step 4: Spending It

Care of money relies on some basic guidelines to spending money.  Keep in mind that money you spend is not money you can use for anything else, so if you fritter your money away on things that only have a C or D value to you (fancy coffee, doughnuts, drinks), you won’t have it to save or spend on the things that really matter to you.

Ask yourself these four questions before you purchase anything:

Do I really need this?

A lot of what we buy is bought on whim. When I want things on Amazon, I put them in my cart and think about them while I ask the other questions. At this moment I think I have 10 pages of Save for Later items, most of which I will never purchase. I may have thought I really needed them at the time, but on careful consideration realized I’d rather have the money for something else more than those items.

Do I already have this?

When I was a fashion designer I learned an important lesson from my mentor: “If you like it the first time you see it, you will probably like it every time after that”. She told me this in response to my shock that so many of the fabrics that I sampled in New York looked similar to each other. The point is, if you like a royal blue shirt with a certain pocket, you will like it the next time you see it.

If you follow these two LifeSkill Secrets principles, it will be easy to check to be sure you don’t already have it:

  • keep all things of a kind together
  • a place for everything and everything in its place

Be sure to check what you have and “shop” your closets before you go shopping or purchase more. I actually once bought two of the exact same blouse (not at the same time or in the same store) and didn’t even realize it til like a month later.

Where am I going to put it?

I go to art fairs a lot and love to buy beautiful artwork, but the reality is, my house has little usable wall space. If you don’t really have a place to put it, don’t buy it. Have an answer for yourself before you purchase. This leads into the next question.

What will I give up for it?

Any time you purchase anything, you are giving up something else. That new pair of shoes could be the cute dress you saw last week that you really liked. Or giving up on those special coffees could mean you buy your Mom a nice gift for her birthday.  Keep in mind that every purchase has 2 prices- the actual cost of the item, and what you can’t get if you buy it.

What will I give up for it is also an organizing question so your stuff doesn’t consume you.  If you have a place for it, do you have the space for it? This is especially true of clothes. My son, for example, practically collects graphic tees. Periodically he has to give some up to bring in more or there just wouldn’t be room in the closet. Its best if you eliminate the old when you put away the new, then cleaning out is not such a chore.

If you take care of money, how and where you spend it and save it, it will take care of you. Like most things, it takes some planning and will seem a bit awkward at first, but will soon become second nature.

Your Contribution to the World

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Fifty seven years ago, the incoming President told the nation, “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.”  John Kennedy’s inaugural words reminded us if we had forgotten, and enlightened us if we did not know, what going through this life successfully is about. Its not just about you, but about your contribution to the world, your country, your community, your family. It’s about what you bring to the table. Fifty six years later we live in a more me-oriented society. We hear less about contribution and more about entitlement. Any group is great to the extent its individuals are willing to contribute their talents and passions to make it better.

You are blessed with a unique and special mix of talents and gifts. For the whole to survive, all of those gifts need to be engaged. For the whole to thrive, we must welcome and encourage the gifts of all. Your contribution to the world is just as important as anyone else’s. What will make America great is respect and support for the unique blend of gifts we each bring to the table.

Identifying Your Contribution to the Whole

You may not be aware of what your contribution to any particular group is meant to be. That is OK. What we bring changes in different seasons of life as we change, and also varies by the group of which we are a part. If you are unsure what your gifts are or the best way to use them, start by offering to help. Try different groups that are of interest to you and jump in. Do whatever is asked. Over time you will find where your contribution really has value because it both supports the organization, and is also fulfilling to you. Your contribution may not be your life’s passion, and doesn’t need to be. Contribution is its own reward. Knowing that you are a part of something bigger than yourself will make you feel good about yourself.

Think about your contribution to every group of which you are a part. Start with family and friends and move on to work and community. What do you contribute? What more can you add? How can your special talents and gifts make the group stronger or better? In case of doubt, ask. Asking shows you care about the organization as a whole, and also that you care that you are a contributor to its well being. Everyone loves a giver, and its a lot more rewarding.

Plan for Success- When this is over, What made it good?

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It’s the end of summer, a weekend, or vacation, and you feel like you didn’t really enjoy it, or you missed it. Don’t you hate that feeling? There is a way around it and its taken me years to figure out a trick. We now use it for everything from summer to trips to weekends. I even use it everyday to plan my days. Plan for success to get the most out of anything by starting with the end in mind. That applies to how you spend time as well as cleaning or organizing.

When this is over, What made it good?

Simple question- great idea. You may have heard of the exercise of thinking about your obituary or deathbed and thinking what you want to be remembered for, or what you want to have accomplished. This is the same principle.  Whether its a vacation, a weekend, or even a regular day, think about the end of it and review what you want to have accomplished in that time. Think about how you will feel if each thing doesn’t happen.  Will you feel bad that you didn’t get to movie, or clean a closet, or pay your bills? List the things that you will feel bad about if they don’t happen. Plan for success by ordering them by what is most important to you to get done.

Plan for Success – Create a list

If the things you want to get done are for a short period of time, a checklist will probably work. Checklists help me feel good about what I have accomplished and remind me what is left to do. Remember the trick of “eating the frog first”. If the worst thing you have to do in a day is eat a frog, eat the frog first, then everything else will be easier. This holds true for size of tasks too. Do the harder tasks first, so if you start running out of energy, you don’t need to muster a lot to get the next job done. Also, let’s be honest, it easier to come up with an excuse not to do something if it’s time consuming or difficult, so get those done first.

Plan for Success – List Action Steps

If it’s a big time period, or a project with steps, get them listed. For example, if you really want to go on vacation next summer, there are several steps in the process like making reservations for travel, lodging and events, asking for time off, buying a new swimsuit or other clothes, planning pet-sitting, etc. Make a list of the sites you want to see and plan when you want to do them on the trip. Will you need to make reservations? Do you have a back-up plan for weather?

Say you are going home for the holidays. Who do you most want to see? When will they be available? Have last minute gifts to purchase? Make a plan.

Plan for Success – Get Steps on the Calendar

Planning and dreaming are fine, but for any good plan to work, get it on the calendar. Making last minute decisions tend to be expensive, in time, money, and energy. If you want to paint a room, its a good idea to get the paint and equipment before your room painting day. Plan to get the good seats for the concert by finding out when they go on sale and putting that on the calendar.

LifeSkill Secrets recommends trying this plan with a day or weekend. Then build up to bigger things. But hey, there’s still a lot of summer left so what do you want to have done before summer is over? Plan for success- When summer is over, what made it good?

Completing Your Personal Budget

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Budget. It’s a word that has the same glamour as cleaning the toilet. But the truth is, having a personal budget is just as important. Knowing what you have, and what you need to do to get what you want, is incredibly liberating. Last time I suggested tracking your expenses and income so you know where you are. Here are the steps to refine the information to build a structure for moving forward.

4. Figure out how you can spend less

Even if your income covers all your expenses, the next exercise is important. If your income does not cover all your expenses, this part is critical.

The point is not to overwhelm or distress you. It is to put you in control of your money, so lets see how this personal budget thing can do that.
Seriously look at the list of all the things you spent money on during your tracking period. Now get real with yourself and determine which of those things really were necessary and which were not. Did you really have to have a specialty coffee 5 times a week, eat out for 12 meals, buy 4 new tops (3 of which you may never wear again)? The trick here is not to cut away to a point you cant stand to live, but to a point you can maintain.

So you know how much you made and how much you spent over a period of time. Great start.

Using the same form, create a yearly estimated budget in the EXPENSES EST page. Include all the things you spent money on in your tracking period as well as things you didn’t spend money on but that you know you will need to in the future, such as car maintenance, insurance, tuition, loan repayments, and so on. If you have big bills that come at certain times, put them in the month you pay them. I enter them in brackets [] until I actually pay them so I know they are coming. For example, I know that homeowner insurance is a bill that comes once a year in June. My real estate taxes are paid in March and August.

5. Identify what you need to save to accomplish goals

IMPORTANT LIFESKILL SECRETS: You need to have at least 3 months living expenses saved in case of an emergency. Be sure to include this savings separate from other savings as its own category (see column W). Save this amount before saving for other things.

Here’s a fun part. Use columns X-Z for things you want to save for, like vacations, Christmas gifts, weddings, etc., as well as regular savings. Put the amount in the month it occurs or in December if you want to save all year for it. Notice that line 17 will take the yearly amount and divide it by 12. If you only have 4 months between now and a big payment, multiply the monthly payment by 3. (if you are good in Excel, go into the formula field next fx at the top and change the 12 to the number of months you have to save for it: =W15/12 to say =W15/7)

Box AA17 on the Excel sheet will give you the total you need to make in a month. Probably more than you thought, right? Does your income cover this?

6.  Identify if you need to make more money

There are still only two ways for income to cover expenses and those are make more or spend less. Using a credit card is not one of them. If you are using a credit card to get by, you are only getting further and further in the hole.

If your income does not cover the expenses, take a critical eye again at your expenses. Are there some things you could give up at least temporarily? Alter your budget as you find things to trim.

Once spending is cut as much as possible, the other way for income to cover expenses is to make more money. Many generations have worked more than one job at a time, and many have worked three. If you want to be in control of your life, you need to be in control of your money. One advantage to working a lot is that you have less time to spend money. If you really realize that certain things might mean working another job, you may be more willing to reconsider how important they really are to your life and happiness.

Also consider out-of-the-box solutions. If you live at home with your parents, with roommates, or are able to work in a disadvantaged area for a couple of years can you knock off a good portion of your student loans or save for the house you want? The reality is that most big wishes require some form of sacrifice, and that includes having financial control. Evaluate whether the big wish is yours or just one you inherited. Do you really want a big wedding more than the down payment on a home? Is a four year college the best solution for you or would you be better at a community college and transferring for the last 2 years to a state university?

The important word in your personal budget is PERSONAL. It should work for you and help you accomplish those things in life that matter to YOU.

Budget Overview – Moving toward Your Dreams

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OK, so seriously. Why Budget? One constant theme in LifeSkill Secrets is that you cant get where you want to go if you don’t know where you are now.  Building a budget starts with knowing where you are right now with money. Money is not the enemy. Its just a means to get you what you want from life, so its good to know your starting point. This budget overview will help you understand how knowing where you are with money and where you want to be will help you achieve your dreams.

Money In and Money Out

Basically there is money in (income) and money out (spending). You cant spend more than you have (in spite of what credit cards may lead you to believe).
The steps to your budget overview are:

  1. Track and understand all money you have coming in (income)
  2. Track and understand all money you have going out (spending)
  3. In case of doubt, overestimate spending and underestimate income
  4. Figure out how you can spend less
  5. Identify what you need to save to accomplish goals
  6. Identify if you need to make more money

1. Start by Knowing What Your Income Is

This is easiest if you have a regular job and make a salary, or even if you are paid hourly and usually work the same number of hours each week. It gets harder if your income varies. In any case, determine monthly income. If it varies, look at your deposits or pay stubs for the last month (or start now and pay attention and keep records for the next few months) and write down what you make after taxes. If your income varies a lot from month to month, try to determine what is the least it might be, the most it might be, and, if possible, any monthly variations. For example, is summer usually less income than the rest of the year? If so, by how much?

2. Know What You are Spending

At the same time, start keeping a record of all your expenses. Yes, I know. Its a pain, but you can’t start to know how much you need to make if you dont know what your basic expenses are. Start with the ‘have to pay’ things. For many, this is utilities like gas, electric, cell phone, rent or mortgage, insurance, cable and/or internet and so on. Click this link for an excel worksheet to get you started tracking expenses and income. (If you are concerned about viruses, scan it here at virustotal.com. This is a good resource to bookmark anyway to use any time you download something. Scan the file -up to 128MB – before you open it. I scanned this and it was free when I uploaded it, but you just never know.)

3. Basic Rule of Budgeting: Overestimate Outflow and Underestimate Income

Since the idea is to have enough to get to cover the expenses, always follow this rule so you dont come up short. IF your electric bill can be as high as $200 in the summer, plan on that. If your income can be less due to seasonal fluctuations, assume it will be the lowest amount.

Its also a good practice to determine when you have to pay which bills. I personally pay bills on the 1st and the 15th of each month. Its on my calendar. Anything that is due on the 6th to the 14th gets paid on the 1st and any bills due on the 20th to the 5th get paid on the 15th. I keep a notebook that has a page for each month showing the 1st at the top of the page and lists those that I pay on the fist, and halfway down has the 15th and the bills I pay then. That way I dont get caught if I dont get a bill or an email reminder, and I always have funds for automatic withdrawals. If I know I always pay the water bill on the 6th of the month, its listed on the first.By doing this regularly I know how much I need and when.

Next post I will explain what you do with all the information you are collecting.

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